Wasted Wish
by FujoshiPrince
Summary: The story of the wish of Hana Shinrai, which eventually led her to fall into despair and become the witch Gertrud.


Once upon a time, there was a girl named Hana Shinrai. She was cold to a lot of people, but could still be described as _nice_, with beautiful long green hair and a pretty face.

She could be described as a loner; an outcast. Almost everyone made fun of her because Hana liked to eat. _A lot. _She loved eating and she almost never exercised.

Wherever she went, she was teased for her size. When she had been small, no one had noticed it. But now that she was thirteen, the first thing almost everyone said when they first met her was "How much do you eat? Wow, you're a total fatso!"

With comments like that, it became almost a bane of Hana's life to go anywhere; to the mall, to school, to restaurants, to amusement parks.

After years of being excluded from society because of her weight, with the help of her mother, Hana managed to gradually convince herself that the only reason that they mocked her was because they were jealous of what she _could _do. So she stopped going out altogether. She hardly even went to school. Instead, she just stayed at home and did something that she enjoyed.

Gardening.

When Hana was nine years old, her mother had fallen ill to a terrible disease. She had stayed bedridden for four years. Every year Hana's father would return from his business trips and stay by his wife's side for a few days. Then he was gone. He never checked up on Hana, to see if she was okay. So without anyone to keep her company, Hana tried to find ways to entertain her.

And then she got it. Gardening.

When Hana was five, before her mother fell into the dreadful illness, Hana had loved helping her mother tend to their property's huge rose gardens. She had loved the roses. She had loved nothing more than those roses, and had insisted to her mother that they were to be put in expensive vases around the house, so anyone who visited could admire their beauty.

And so Hana took over the gardener's job. At first her mother was happy, watching her taking care of the estates majestic rose bushes. But soon she became worried. Hana would spend all her free time in the gardens. They had become her life, and anything that didn't relate to this new life was quickly dismissed.

After a year, Hana's mother asked the maids to wheel her down to the gardens. She tried to explain to Hana that yes, she was happy that she had finally found a hobby, but she also needed to do other things, or at least try to socialize.

Hana did not argue with her mother. Her mother had loved her and supported her since she was born, and Hana knew she was right. She needed to take a break. She told the gardener he could take care of the gardens when she was gone and he agreed.

But each time Hana left the gardens to do something else, she could not resist peeking out the window to check if the gardener was doing his job properly and taking good care of her precious roses. Soon she became sickly and pale, wanting nothing else then to be allowed back into the garden.

Her mother's condition was improving, but the doctor did not dare let her outside, just in case it worsened again, not even with the help of a maid. So Hana decided to disobey her mother and permanently fire the gardener. Hana's mother did not know this, as she was not allowed outside and therefore could not see what her daughter was doing. She only knew that her daughter was happy again.

Everything was going well; Hana's father was to return in a fortnight, Hana's mother's condition seemed to be improving, and Hana was cheerful at finally spending time with her beloved roses.

And then the storm hit.

Hana was lying in her bed when it happened, staring up at the ceiling. The pitter-patter of rain against the window, the cracks of lightning, and the booms of thunder had kept her awake. She glanced at her clock, which was ticking all too loudly. 2:40AM.

Another boom of thunder.

There was no way she'd be able to go back to sleep. She walked over to her window, throwing open the curtains and opening the window. Rain poured in, splashing onto her face and soaking her nightgown. She had always wanted to dance in the rain. And it's not like anyone would hear her…

Quiet as a mouse, Hana tiptoed down the stairwell. She slowly turned the ancient gilt doorknob, praying that it wouldn't creak as loudly as it had before. It didn't and she sighed with relief. She stepped out onto the porch, closing it behind her.

And then, then Hana danced.

The rain made the atmosphere smell like earth, and sweetness...smells that were nice, but smells that she couldn't identify. She jumped into puddles, splashing her white nightgown with muddy water. She was outside. This was what it was like to be outside, to be _free _from the chores, homework, and criticizing heaped upon her by her governess.

_But what about her garden. What would her garden look like in this new sense of freedom? _She ran to the stone arc that marked the entrance of the vast fields of rose bushes. She threw the door open and ran into the field, feeling the wet grass and mud squish under her feet. It was a little too dark to see her roses in all their beauty, but something was wrong…

_Oh my god._

_My roses…_

Her roses had been ravaged by the storm. There was a flash of lightning, and Hana saw the ruins of her beautiful flowers in full detail. Not a single one had been spared. Wind, lightning, and rain had destroyed them, their stems snapped in half and drooping onto the muddy ground.

Suddenly, freedom didn't seem so great anymore. "My roses…my roses...my roses…but…my roses…what…no…this isn't real," she cried, burying her face in her hands. _Her roses were gone. Nothing would bring them back. Her roses were gone. _"But…why? My roses…I didn't ask for anything else…just my roses…my roses…what have you done to my roses?"

"Contract?"

Hana looked down and saw a white rabbit-like creature with a large, fluffy tail and pink eyes staring at her. It swished its tail around and stared at her expectantly.

She rubbed the tears from her eyes. "Who-who are you?"

"My name is Kyubey,"

"H-how did you get in…what do you want?"

"I want to offer you a wish," its eyes gleamed. "Your innermost desire, anything,"

Hana turned and looked at the ruins of her beloved roses. "A-anything…even…even…" Kyubey nodded. "Anything. Absolutely anything,"

"Wh-what's the catch then?"

"Catch?" said Kyubey, "there is no catch! If you make a contract with me, I will grant your heart's desire, and you will become a Puella Magi,"

"Is…is a Puella Magi…like a Sailor Senshi or-or something?"

"You could say that. Puella Magi aren't _exactly _the same as Sailor Senshi, but they serve the same purpose, to save others and defeat witches,"

Hana felt her heart beat faster. _She could become something like a Sailor Senshi. _"So…are you sure any wish is okay? Anything?"

Kyubey nodded. "If you are willing to accept the burden of defeating witches, I am willing to grant any wish, and turn you into a Puella Magi," Hana stood up and cleared her throat. _One wish. Anything. _"I wish my rose bushes were as beautiful as they were before this storm!"

Hana felt a strange warmth envelope her, and a green gem set into a crown-shaped hold materialized in her hand. "This is your soul gem," explained Kyubey, "keep it safe, for if it becomes dark, you will turn into a witch, and if it breaks, you will break along with it,"

The next day, Hana awoke in her room. Had it all been a dream? She felt something in her hair, and she pulled it out. It was a thin metal hairclip, with a beautiful green jewel in the middle. Was this it? Was this the soul gem that she had been given last night? _Was it really all a dream? _

She ran downstairs and out the door, into her rose garden, and gasped. It was just as beautiful, if not more, than before the storm. It hadn't been a dream…

She was really a Puella Magi. She clasped the hairclip in her hand as she remembered what Kyubey said. _"This is your soul gem. Keep it safe, for if it becomes dark, you will turn into a witch, and if it breaks, you will break along with it." _She raced back into her house again, carefully putting the hairclip back into her hair. _She couldn't let it get damaged. She couldn't._

She heard a sharp knock on the door. "Come in!"

Her governess entered. "Hana, your mother wishes you to do some shopping for her. She also mentioned if you didn't really want to go, than you didn't have to,"

Hana normally didn't go outside, but now she was a Puella Magi. What were those things that she was supposed to defeat? _Witches. _What if a witch turned up?

"I'll go," she said.

* * *

Over the next few months, Hana spent her days half defeating witches, and half tending to her garden. With all the fighting and running that she had to do daily, Hana began to slim. Soon she was fashionably thin, and the students that had laughed at her when she was younger, now laughed _with _her. By the end of the year, she had quite a few friends, including a heavily religious girl named Seigi Sakura, a candy-loving girl named Amai Chizu, and an envious girl named Kirsten Kakusu, who insisted everyone call her by her RPG name, Elly.

In fact, a few days after they had become friends, she had found out that they too were Puella Magi, and that only strengthened their friendship.

Hana's life was perfect. Her roses were beautiful and almost never wilted, she had many friends, and when she turned nineteen, she was arranged to marry a moustachioed garden critic from Germany named Edward Hugoic, whom she adored more than anything else in the world.

But of course, when all is perfect, something has to ruin it.

* * *

Hana was walking home from a fight with another witch. It had proved to be too powerful to defeat by herself, and she had ran away. She took out her soul gem. It was darker than usual. She needed to purify it soon.

She walked into her house, and immediately, it was obvious that something was wrong. All the maids were dressed in black, silently weeping. _Something was horribly, horribly wrong. _

The news terrified her, made her heart stop, made her angry, made her want to collapse and cry, and made her sad. All of these things. It scared her. Scared her even more when she saw her roses reduced to a mess of broken stems and muddied petals.

Her mother had died.

And she had ignored her mother for the last few months, too wrapped up in her perfect, fantasy world. Her soul gem, unbeknownst to her, darkened. It was nearly completely black. Her mother's body was carted away to the funeral home as soon as the maids had realized she was dead. Hana's mother was dead, and she hadn't even gotten the chance to bid farewell. She hadn't even said goodbye to her when she let for school. She hadn't done that for at least three months.

_I could've at least said goodbye. _And then she remembered the joy in her mother's eyes every time she went to visit her. _What if me abandoning her was what drove her of the edge…? _

_My fault  
What if it was my entire fault.  
Maybe if I had helped her through this, she would still be alive.  
Why does something always go wrong?  
My fault…_

The next day after school, she ran around the city looking for Kyubey. At last she found him, feasting on what looked like a dead clone of himself. "Kyubey," she said, and he stopped and looked at her.

"Hello Hana," he said, "how is fighting witches going?"

She knelt down to him. "Kyubey. I want to change my wish. I need to change my wish. I have to. I have to. I can replant my roses, but I have to change my wish,"

"No can do," said Kyubey, finishing off the last morsels of his clone. "The wish of a Puella Magi cannot be changed. Once you make the wish, it is granted, and you become a Puella Magi. Your wish has been granted. You cannot change it,"

"This is important," pleaded Hana, "the only reason why I even wished like that was because that was what was important at the time. Please! I have to change my wish! I have to bring my mother back to life!"

"The wish of a Puella Magi is absolute," responded Kyubey, "once made, it cannot be changed and it cannot be reversed. Everyone wants different things at different times. No being will want the same thing for all his life. Maybe you should've thought ahead," he turned and started walking away.

"Don't you care?!" screamed Hana in despair, "can't you empathize!? I made a mistake! I forfeited my mother! Now I know I was wrong! I want to change this! Why won't you let me change this?! You have no idea what this is like for me! Why can't you care?!"

Kyubey turned. His eyes terrified her; they were no longer pink. Now they were white, ringed in black. His smile didn't seem so cute now. "You are right, I do not know. Why are you so sorrowful about this? Life and death are normal. Get on with your life, Hana. A Puella Magi's duty is to defeat witches. This is your duty until you die. If you loath this policy so much, then maybe you shouldn't have trusted me in the first place,"

Hana stood, rooted to the spot in shock and Kyubey walked away. Her soul gem was almost completely black, and was beginning to shake, but Hana didn't notice it. She dropped to her knees and hung her head.

_I shouldn't have trusted him in the first place.  
It was too good to be true.  
But my roses were so beautiful…  
Momma's dead.  
She's never coming back.  
Because I made a mistake.  
And I can never ever reverse it. _

And then her soul gem went completely black and shattered, turning into a grief seed. Hana felt her consciousness slipping away. Images and thoughts flashed by in her head. Then she felt herself falling and everything around her faded to nothing.

_Some may call it unfair.  
__However it is not a code of honour._  
We wish for hope, and we get despair.  
We save countless lives  
But our magical energy dissipates in the end  
And our souls turn black and we turn into the monsters that we live to destroy.  
Some may call it unjust.

_But such is the life of a magical girl..  
_

* * *

**GERTRUD**

The rose garden witch with a distrustful nature. She holds roses dearer than anything else. She expends all of her power for the sake of beautiful roses. Despite stealing the life-force of humans who wander into her barrier to give to her roses, she loathes the thought of them trampling the inside of her barrier.


End file.
